Hard One/Won

I'd never cum quite that way before—with Nate, or with anyone else for that matter. Hot!

"You're so fucking beautiful," I cried, in medias orgasm. Dripping sweat down onto him.

This has been going on for almost a year now, the longest-term sexual friendship I've ever had. One of the more obvious reasons we're lasting is that Nate too is in his late 30s. I'm so rarely attracted to guys my own age but, luckily, Nate floats my boat in a big way.

We're getting friendlier and more sexual all the time. Second last time we got together, I wasn't in a sexual mood. In a sense, that was a test for us both: did I really want to see him if I wasn't horny? Would he be insulted? It all worked out. We cuddled and kissed and chatted.

When I start talking about what it is I want—what I'm starting to build with Nate—lots of gay guys think "fuck buddy". But no. I understand "fuck buddy" to denote a relationship that's based solely on sex. I don't particularly want that, or find it a viable way to build anything long-term. (Sexual desire is utterly unpredictable, no?) A "sexual friendship" seems more precisely descriptive of what I'm after. A friendship that flowers out of an original attraction, that may—hopefully will—have an erotic dimension over the longer term.

I'm lucky. Sex is everywhere; the challenge for me as a erotically-enthused gay man is to realize that friendship is, too. Like more conventional romantic relationships—which so many loved ones around me are seeking, embarked upon, or grieving—sexual friendship is a challenge.

I might just be up for it.